I've been feeling down recently. Unfortunately, talking with my husband is too difficult. He tells me not to always complain and find someone else to talk to. When I express that I really need to talk about my problems instead of constantly keeping them to myself, he tells me to just change my mindset. He doesn't understand the challenges of taking care of our child, managing the home, and running my cake business all at the same time. When I mention needing a break from taking care of the baby, all I hear is to find a job so I can have a day off.
I'm happy to be going back to Poland soon. I've been trying to find many traditional Taiwanese foods for my family. I even have century eggs, although I think my family might be afraid to try them. It's unfortunate that I can't bring stinky tofu and durian. They would probably kick me out real quick, haha. I have some traditional cookies like pineapple cakes, sun cakes, mochi, and I even found some cookies with boba pearls inside. My family is quite big, and it's been challenging to find something for everyone. Food is already taking up a significant portion of my luggage.
Last year wasn't easy either. Before we even moved to Tainan, I used to meet up often with my South African friend. Once, while we were sitting in the park watching our kids play, a tall, strong Taiwanese man with an angry face approached us and asked her, "Are you Muslim?" He asked more than once, and she tried to explain that she is Muslim but not an extremist. He didn't say anything and soon walked away. It seems that being a white girl is definitely easier than being a Muslim or Southeast Asian person here. They encounter much more unfriendly or racist people than I do. People are usually more welcoming towards me and often express happiness in seeing me. Sometimes even a bit too much, as some will tell me I look beautiful, and one woman even started touching my hair. I also met an older woman from the Philippines whom I wanted to invite to our house, but she kept saying, "I think your husband will not like that," so she refused. It seems she has encountered many unkind Taiwanese people in the past.
I've also quickly made a new friend after moving to Tainan, who happens to be my neighbor. We live on the same floor, and she also has a daughter of similar age to our son. We often meet so that our kids can play together, and finally, I have someone to talk with. She is an English teacher, so language is no longer a problem. Our kids seem to really enjoy playing together. I've noticed that most kids don't like to play with others. My son is always happy and runs to other kids, but they often walk away or their parents quickly take them away. It has happened so many times already, and it kind of makes me sad. I also have a Polish friend here whom I can sometimes meet, and we've also met a German-Taiwanese couple selling pizza nearby.
I thought that after moving to Shanhua, everything would be more peaceful, but I find myself getting angry with so many people. When we go to the park, people often drink, smoke, and bring unleashed dogs. Once, there was a woman who chose to sit right next to us out of all the available places and started smoking. Her dog would always jump on my son because she would point at him and talk to the dog. When I asked her not to smoke here and not to encourage the dog to jump on my kid, she just laughed and said that it doesn't matter. There aren't many places where I can bring my kid to play around.
There was also a kid who always stayed at home and called my son to come over, but he never went outside, and they wouldn't let my son come in to play either. They all had fun because my son would stay on the other side of the door if they called him. One time, their kid took off his underwear and showed his bottom to us. He did it 2-3 times, which really made me angry. He's old enough to understand what is or isn't polite. Since that time, I barely stay around there. Towards the end of the year, we also had some problems with our neighbors. The family living below us has a few kids who would always run on the roof (since we live on the top floor). It wouldn't be a big deal if they didn't do it around 6:00 - 7:00 am, making so much noise that I often woke up. Fed up with the noise after many weeks, we mentioned it to them. In retaliation, they said that our kid is also very loud. They were angry that we even brought it up. In the end, there was a meeting to resolve the issue, but they didn't even show up. Only two other neighbors attended.
And once again, we had a problem with our in-laws. They gave my son a toy (or so we thought), a husky dog. He liked it and played with it for over a month. After that time, when we went back to their place, they asked us to give it back. They claimed that the toy belonged to my sister-in-law, and she kept asking for it back. A woman in her 30s couldn't accept losing a toy to a child less than 2 years old. This isn't the first time we've had issues with her, but this situation was just laughable. In the end, my parents-in-law bought a new toy for our son, which was completely different, and he didn't even like it. They always said they wanted to visit us, but it was only to take the toy back. I felt angry, so I forbade them from coming here and taking the toy. I don't understand why they want to hurt my child by taking away the toy he played with for so many days. And why couldn't they just find exactly the same dog and give it to their daughter?
We also traveled a lot this year. Unfortunately, while we were in Hualien, our son got croup. We only had the chance to visit 2-3 places on our way from Taidong and went to the Night Market. That night, our son couldn't breathe due to croup. We rushed to the hospital and stayed there overnight. The previous day, he was barely coughing (usually before sleep) and refused to eat his dinner. I wanted to take him to see a doctor earlier, but my husband thought that I was overreacting, as many mothers tend to be. The next day, he got better, but the doctor still advised us to stay one more day for observation. Unfortunately, a typhoon was coming the next day, which could have made it difficult for us to return home. It was a difficult choice, but in the end, the doctor allowed us to take our child out of the hospital around noon and bring him back to Tainan. It was a 7-hour drive back home. Fortunately, he didn't cry, which made it easier for him to breathe. After that, we still went to the hospital to make sure he was fine and got some more medicine. He got better soon, but since then, he refuses to drink milk, making it difficult for him to nap during the day.
I used to be happy during his nap time because it was the only time when I could focus on things like learning Chinese or making cakes. Nowadays, I'm still selling cakes, but I have to sometimes wake up very early to finish baking before he wakes up. It's getting more difficult over time because he wakes up earlier and earlier. On a positive note, something good happened. Just 1-2 months after we moved here, we posted about our cheesecakes in one of the local groups. People went crazy, and suddenly plenty of people started to order from us. After a short while, a newspaper contacted us, expressing interest in writing about our cakes. It was the first time for me to be in the news, even if it was just a newspaper (https://www.chinatimes.com/realtimenews/20190924001209-260415). I believe it really helped to build people's trust in the quality of our cakes. However, I'm not very focused on selling cakes seriously because I have very little time to bake.
And I still can't bring myself to write more in Polish. Initially, I thought of having a blog in two languages, but it seems like that might never happen. I've become so used to English. People may find many mistakes in my blog, but I don't care. It's part of the learning process. Sometimes, I've seen people laughing at others for their poor English (or any other language) while they can only speak one language themselves. I have a bigger problem with Chinese. I'm shy to use it because I know my proficiency is very poor. Of course, I know words related to things I do every day, like the flavors of my cakes, but I can't engage in much conversation with people. Even if I understand something, I don't know how to respond, or they might not understand what I'm trying to say.
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