AMWF couple: After one year together

It has been over a year since I arrived in Taiwan, and a little over a year since we met. My life has changed a lot: moving to Taiwan, getting married, living with my parents-in-law, and now pregnancy. It has been overwhelming, especially since most of these things were unplanned.

Not long after I came to Taiwan (around two weeks), we moved into my parents-in-law's house. It's never a good idea, but sometimes there's no choice. Living together is complicated; we have our own room, but we need to share the kitchen, for example. In the beginning, my husband didn't work, and I didn't see many job opportunities since people mostly speak Chinese.

We got married quite early, on July 6, 2017. We didn't have a ceremony, and everything was not as I had imagined. My husband didn't even wear nice clothing. In Poland, even if you don't have a traditional ceremony, people would dress up. It seemed like I was the only one who cared. We only needed to sign some documents, but to be honest, I'm not even sure what I signed because there was no English version. They also didn't speak English at all. The only thing I knew was the documents I needed to prepare from Poland and the embassy. It was a lot of paperwork, including translations and legalizations of everything. I still want a wedding dress and beautiful pictures in the future because there will be no other memory of this moment.

For every woman (or most of them), the night after the wedding is also important. And who could ruin it better than my mother-in-law? Yes, she ruined it. She called him right after we entered our room, even though we live in the same house. It was only about five minutes after we entered our room. She has done this many times before, but this time I asked him not to answer and to turn his phone off. However, he couldn't do it. So the mood of the newly married couple disappeared, and I went to sleep crying. He couldn't understand what was wrong with answering a call from his mother.

Since then, I don't really like her, although I try my best to be nice. We live together, so it's better to get along. I don't have a good relationship with all of his family, especially his cousins who don't seem to like me. Maybe only his aunts and uncles are always happy to see me and try to talk to me, even though I don't understand much Chinese.

Not long after our marriage, we found out that I was pregnant. We were doing my health examination for the visa and discovered the pregnancy. Everyone seemed happy, but not me. I don't feel happy living here, and having a baby at this moment doesn't seem like a good idea at all.

On August 30, 2017, we went back to Poland for two weeks to take care of some paperwork. I didn't tell my family that I got married, changed my surname, and that I'm pregnant. I don't want to face their questions when I still don't feel happy with my life. The only thing I'm happy about is finally being able to change my surname to my husband's. It's part of the tradition in Poland, which he also can't understand. In Taiwan, no one changes their surname, so on Taiwanese documents, my old name is still used.

November 2017 was my first birthday without my family. Even though I didn't usually celebrate much before, being with them made it a happy occasion. Now I'm far away, staying with my parents-in-law while my husband is at work. He seemed to forget and didn't even send me a message. I cooked as usual, and my mother-in-law gave me a bouquet of flowers, which was really nice, and I felt like part of the family. My husband came back from work and brought a cake, which was a total surprise because I used to think he didn't even remember. The next morning wasn't as happy, though. I went downstairs to make his breakfast and noticed that my flowers had all been cut and placed in different places. My flowers! How could she dare to do that? My mother-in-law only said sorry after my husband talked to her, but they didn't even realize what the problem was.

There are just a few weeks left until I give birth to our son. Sometimes my parents-in-law are overly concerned, which makes me try to avoid them if possible. However, one time I went outside, and my father-in-law locked the door. I couldn't get back inside at all. Fortunately, it was only for a few minutes. Of course, my husband thinks it's not a big deal, but I'm close to my due date, and it wasn't very safe. Besides, his father saw me outside but still closed the door (the garden door only locks from the inside).

A few days before giving birth, I told my husband that I don't want anyone to visit me in the hospital. He couldn't understand my decision, but in the end, he agreed. When the time came, I started to feel pain at night, but I could still ignore it for some time. I woke him up early in the morning, but I didn't feel the need to rush to the hospital. After about five hours, we welcomed our baby on April 9, 2018. Our son had to stay in the hospital for a few days for observation.

I don't know how giving birth in Poland or the hospital procedures there are like. In Taiwan, they didn't want to let my husband go inside, even though no one spoke English. In the end, he still stayed with me all the time. Initially, they asked if I allowed anyone to visit me, and I didn't want anyone, but in the end, I still saw his family there. I know they care about me, but I would prefer it if my husband and his familywere more considerate of what I want.

Normally, women would stay in the hospital for three or more days. I saw many women still in pain, hardly moving from their beds. I was totally different, and even the nurses and doctors were amazed. That's why I was able to leave the hospital a little earlier than usual.

Choosing a name for the baby can be annoying. My husband said that the baby can only have a Chinese name because we are in Taiwan. That wasn't true, and our baby officially has two names, Polish and Chinese. I wish he had known that earlier so I wouldn't have needed to bother him with finding a name that sounds similar to the Polish one. There is also another strange thing about it... Every name has a meaning, and we needed to visit someone to predict the future based on the name. That had a lot of influence on our choice, just like it seems his mother did. I don't like this culture, and even the sound of the Chinese name isn't what I expected it to be. I guess I will never use it.

At the end of April, we moved to another city. That was the most difficult part of my life in Taiwan, living with my parents-in-law, and I hope it never happens again. For my husband, it was very difficult trying to make both me and his mother happy at the same time.

I've gotten used to living in Taiwan, but I still really miss my family and my pets. Since I've been here, I haven't had any pets. Now I'm busy with my baby, but I still hope to have one soon. Being a countryside girl living in the city is difficult. I've met some people here, but I'm not good at making friends. Most of the time, I feel like my husband pushes me to meet people. I know he wants what's best for me, but most of the time, he keeps talking, and everyone ignores me again. Being alone seems better than feeling lonely among others. It has been nine months since I last visited Poland, and there are still a few more months to wait... Christmas time is still far away!

I've tried to learn more about different traditions. Living with my parents-in-law, I've witnessed the celebrations of the Middle Autumn Festival, Lunar New Year, Sweeping Tomb Day, and some other more or less important traditions. I always take pictures of what they are doing, but usually, they just set up tables with lots of food and pray to the gods. They have a Buddha Room where they pray every morning and evening. For some occasions, they also bring food there to pray to the gods and ancestors. I usually join them or at least spend time there without praying. Sometimes, they do the same in the kitchen or even outside, which I don't understand much. Many people also burn lucky money, and the smoke goes everywhere.

During Lunar New Year, families visit each other. It's the biggest festival in Taiwan, and people have a few days off to celebrate. It's not like our Christmas where people cook plenty of food and celebrate together. Usually, they only have cookies with tea, share some gifts or money, and always visit family.

The Middle Autumn Festival is a time for barbecues. Families and friends gather together during this period to have barbecues, which I don't find very special. I've already introduced some other traditions in previous posts, like the Lantern Festival. Now that I'm living far away, I don't know much about or watch many celebrations except for some bigger events when we go back to his hometown.

Many times, I also join them for afternoon tea. My husband was always working, and they would ask me to spend time with them. Sometimes, I would make cookies or pancakes and share them with everyone. Only my mother-in-law knows a few English words, but I try to speak a few Chinese words as well, especially when communicating with my father-in-law.

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I'll try update Christmas time and after 2 years of my life in Taiwan.

Check also the beginning of story here: https://polishgirlintaiwan.blogspot.com/2017/06/how-our-love-story-began-amwf-couple.html